“What do we have here?” he asked aloud, though there was no one else around to answer as he peered out the view port through his telescope. “A bathtub? Must be ship wreck somewhere close by….hello!”

It was a porcelain tub, the old fashioned kind with the high back and little lion’s paw feet, he was sure it was even though he couldn’t see most of the object. It bobbed up and down on the open seas, an odd find surely but this was only the start of it. A silver rod shot up from the high back of the tub and a shower head hung down looking into the tub as if contemplating it’s peculiar existence, and around in a ring around this hung a shower curtain with what seemed to be pink and purple jellyfish on a blue field.

He blinked, rubbing his eyes and glancing around his lair before glancing back down through the telescope at the odd thing floating below. Even odder was the thing that was contained within the tub itself.

A young woman reclined in the tub, a book in her hand and a pen in the other, tip in her mouth as she stared with thought at the page held aloft the bubbles of the tub that obscured the rest of her body. All but her shoulders and her feet, which hung out over the side, toes painted a bright pink.

Drifting lower he heard a voice rise up in the air.

“We splish and we splash
We rub and we dub
We sail the seas in a porcelain tub

Suds up me duckies yo ho
Yo ho, yo ho, suds up me duckies yo ho

We’ll hoist the jellyfish curtains high
And launch bars of soap into the skies

Suds up me duckies yo ho
Yo ho, yo ho, suds up me duckies yo ho

Soap in their eyes will sting and hurt
And render our enemies all inert

Suds up me duckies yo ho
Yo ho, yo ho, suds up me duckies yo ho

Soon yer booty will belong to me…
But I’ve a feeling you won’t complain

Suds up me duckies yo ho
Yo ho, yo ho, suds up me duckies yo ho

Rubber duck crew mates are really the best
I’ll keep all the treasure and leave ‘em the chest

Suds up me duckies yo ho
Yo ho, yo ho, suds up me duckies yo ho”

Upon closer inspection she seemed to be….a pirate? Three sheets to the wind..?

The sun glinted of her sud slicked legs, distracting the crew and she looked up as a shadow blocked out the sun. She reached up to clutch her hat as she looked up, dropping her pen and hoisting her book high up in the air, seeming alarmed  by the presence of the Dirigible.

“Soap suds n’ barnacles!” She exclaimed, wide eyed. “Hoist the colors high Captain Quack! Prepare the bubbles First Mate Wade! Let them cower in fear of my fleet of rubber duckies!”

He was a bit surprised by her sudden flare of her temper, and a bit distracted as she leaned forward (though the bubbles seemed to keep her covered), still keeping her book held high. Indeed her colors were hoisted aloft, a bath towel with what appeared to be a cat skull and criss crossed behind this a pen and a paintbrush, adding to the confusion of the encounter. He stared open mouthed and wide eyed, a trait uncommon to him as Lord Vandermore, and for good reason. Looking back at the girl he was met by a bar of soap being launched from heaven knows where, straight into his eyes.

“Yar-merow! Surrender ye cur! Or be blasted by bubbles and boarded by the ferocious and frisky Kitty The Terrible! Scourge of the Bath Tub!”

—-

The podcast is coming back, and this time with a new boarder… host. Stay tuned.

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The Game Master Show crew recently played a game of Hellas with one of the game designers, and pimp, Jerry Grayson aka Delicious. They played it at Gen Con 2000 and 8, and it was quite enjoyable. If you have come here from The Game Master Show’s feed, welcome. You will probably already know that they are playing it over there for themselves. If you have not, then you should also go over there, and listen, if you enjoy this episode. If you don’t enjoy this episode, we several openings in the science lab that you can fill to take up the time that this recording would take.

Ok, welll… I won’t take up any more of my valuable time, you are all dismissed to your stations to work and listen to the game of Hellas. Oh, and a warning, Jerry has been known to be, shall we say, off colour. Enjoy.

Here, The Game Master Show plays Hellas with Jerry Grayson.

So I return, now that you have listened to the game recording. I would like to hear your feedback. No you, put your hand down, put your feedback in writing I don’t want to hear you actually speak. For those of you that worked in the science lab, I thank you, the swelling should go down in a few days. The exzema like rash, and boils, are permanent I am afraid.

Thank you once again for attending, and as always, if you desire to terminate your employment with me, then you merely need to leave through the several exits at the appointed times. I have heard complaints that the appointed times are only during our flights at cruising altitiude. If they were while we were landed, then your leaving would interfere with normal ship’s business. We cannot have that, so the times will not be changing.

Be sure to listen to the announcements following this address. You are dismissed.

Promos:

• Master Plan
• Chasing the Bard
• International Detective Dragons from Outer Space

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The Pain is about ready for her maiden voyage, only a few things need buttoning up I am told. Once that happens, I will be able to get my experiments underway again, so in the future I may entertain you with members of the ship’s crew and other guests, some like yourself. At least until you give me the information that I require from you, then I will let you go. They will talk and ramble on about any number of things. I view my chats with you as a free forum. Mostly I and the others will talk about gaming, things we don’t put out on The Game Master Show. Things like board games, perhaps some actual play that we didn’t play there, but we aren’t going to restrict ourselves to that. We also enjoy books, and talk of current events. I’ll just leave you in anticipation for each session.

Casting off now, listen in, to the broadcasts of the Dirigible of Pain.

Promos:
Radio Isopod
The Secret Lair

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